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6 posts • Page 1 of 1
I have three boys (ages 21, 18, and 16) and two girls (ages 17 and 6). I love all of them and believe in equality when it comes to time and attention paid to each child (exceptions when they are younger and need more of my time).
An observation I've made that has become a theory I'm working on about the difference between my boys and my girls:
My boys seems to want my attention most anytime. They can't get enough of time with dad, especially if it's face to face and one on one. They always want to talk, do things together, hang out.
My girls want me to be available to pay attention to them at any time, but aren't always interested in talking with me. However, when they want my to pay attention, I need to be there right away or they seem a little sad.
Is this just my kids, or have you seen similar trends with your kids?
Tomas, I can't believe how old your kids are now, but we did meet nearly 9 years ago. My youngest wasn't even one yet, her older sister only 3 yo at the time, and boy have I learned since then just how different girls and boys are.
For one thing, my boys have always loved their mommy and will always love their mommy. They don't seem to mind too much if I am affectionate with them in front of their friends (well, sometimes they mind but not usually). I think they enjoy the attention. They also never hesitate to introduce me to their friends and are more likely to talk me up to their friends than my girls. The boys are now 21 and 15.
My girls are 9 and 12 (this Thu) and to them I am uncool, old-fashioned, uptight, scary in a bikini, embarrassing, and birth control: "If that's what having babies does to your body, I'm not having babies!"
When it comes to quality time, like yours they all enjoy one-on-one time with me. This is only true for the 21 yo when we're in the same country of course, which isn't often, but he does seem to enjoy having my undivided attention when we're on the phone and is never in a rush to get off unless he's heading to work. My 15 yo boy is constantly on his laptop for schoolwork and games/social media but he gets very chatty at about midnight when I'm ready to fall into bed. The kid would talk non-stop for 2 hours if I let him, I just wish he'd ditch the games at a decent hour and talk to me when I'm not nodding off.
The girls still like time with mommy but over the past year they've become much more independent. They still bicker over who sits next to me and whose turn it is to talk to me, but there are also times when they just don't want me around. It's a good thing I don't take it personally.
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Thanks for sharing Jennifer. I think those kids are very lucky to have you as a mom. I know how much personal sacrifice it takes to be a loving, attentive mother, and I have great respect for your choice to give them what you feel they need from you.
Interesting that your girls are similar to mine. It makes me smile, actually, that they are that way. The seems to require unconditional love from me, but sometimes get grumpy with me if they are experiencing a downward mood swing (usually related to feeling tired or hungry). I find it hilarious that I'll approach them for a chat and they'll often reject me, only to come into my office ten minutes later to tell me about their latest accomplishment or ask if we can do something together.
All of my boys live away from one, one at college in Taiwan, two in high school in the USA. I suppose that makes the phone calls all the more important, and the visits even more important to them.
I have two daughters, so I have no frame of reference when it comes to boys. The girls like to have me available when they're busy doing stuff, but I have no idea if this is all kids, or just kids their age. (They're three and six.)
One of the things I hate about working from home is having to sometimes say "no" to them when they want my attention. The little one especially doesn't understand that just because I'm in the same room doesn't mean I'm available.
Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.
I have a girl and a boy, now 15 & 14 (Irish twins).
The shocker for me was that even when you treat them 100% the same, the internalize it 100% differently. Different straight out of the box, so to speak.
Vida de Otário
....and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock.
My boy 5 is happy about any attention he gets and my girl can't seem to have enough. She is always ready for anytime I bestow upon her, but the boy may have his cars waiting for him, even if I'm waiting with a dice and a board game on his bed.
BUT the reactions completely reverse when they're with their dad. Kabir can't miss even a second with his dad, whereas the girl will spend hours with him and then maybe opt out of whatever they are doing to play with dolls!
Work is the curse of the drinking classes- Wilde
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